The Proposal pt 1 - Ring Shopping

Proposing is not a simple process. Yes, I mean process. Asking the actually question is the conclusion to a long drawn out thought provoking, stress inducing process. Step 1 happens in your head. It is that first moment where you allow your brain to consider the possibility of living with this person forever. Forever is not exactly a time frame that eases your conscious when making ANY decision, especially one that requires you to choose the human being that you will be able to tolerate forever, as well as hopefully have them tolerate you and all your wonderful idiosyncrasies. I know it might not be romantic (I love you Courtney!), but love isn’t all roses, and long walks on the beach, and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. It is deciding that this human being annoys me less than all the others I have met, she is good looking, and seems to find me amusing, I might want to hang on to her!



and based on that video, I give you…



Like I said, not exactly text book romance, but sometimes reality is brutal. There is a moment of internal shock when you discover that this thought has passed into your conscious and you are surprisingly ok with this conclusion. The next thought is…now what? Ring shopping? Holy crap.

Now see, guys don’t sit around and plan this little transition. For me I was sitting on the couch most likely watching SportsCenter or the latest Discovery Channel show on the Universe or Theoretical Physics (side note: it is called theoretical physics, because it is a theory, meaning unproven. Similar Ref: Theory of Evolution…) when this little thought process occurred to me. I went through the 12 step mental process where the first step is: admitting I had a problem. The second step was…I have no idea what the other 12 steps are, but I hear that there are 12 of them and I am sure I went through all of them. I eventually concluded that I wanted to propose marriage. So, just to we recap this little moment, I sat down to watch a show on why there might be life under the frozen oceans of Saturn’s Moon Titan, and concluded I wanted to get married. I am pretty sure that was not one of the objectives set out by the producers of this show.

I decided to call my Dad about how to go about buying a ring. Now my Dad is part genius. He is like a walking Bible. He can quote you scripture no matter what the situation calls for, provide context and commentary on the drop of a hat. He can hold his own in scientific discussions about Biology, Physics, Chemistry, Cosmology, and he is Geophysicist. Ask about the devaluation of the dollar and the housing bubble, he can go there. He probably has opinions about the process of terra forming the Planet Mars for future human inhabitation. So logically I figured by asking the question, how do I buy an engagement ring, I would get a 30 minute Master’s thesis about how to do this. Nope. I got a pause and “uh….I don’t know”. Thanks Dad! Not Helpful.



So I decided to start looking online, I self taught myself about the 5C’s, Cut, Clarity, Certification, Color, and Carat. Yeah, um…diamond experts?, ya forgot the biggest C…COST! Now what I was really doing was preparing to go into battle. I had to go into battle with the diamond sales people. So suddenly this proposal process now became a battle of wills. It became a game. I was going to win. This is one of the most endearing qualities I have that Courtney absolutely loves. She always asks me if we can just go out and talk to sales people on the weekends for fun because she just loves watching me interact with them. Or more accurately, it is guaranteed to turn into a fight. I call the sales person out for some random stat that sounds fishy, or ask them why it is cheaper online (because I came prepared! Like the boy scouts baby!) and I am usually met with 1 death glare from Courtney, and the sales person is left grasping at weak answers and explanations that basically only confirm that I am winning (I can smell the victory!) Negotiation ensues. It is almost always guaranteed that the first place we go into I low ball them and they give me some line about not having the authority to lower the price so let me go ask the manager. Rarely do they agree and after a few smart comments without sufficient explanation we set out for the next place. This likely will lead to discussion in the car about why we don’t just get it, and me explaining the completely logical reason why we will save “x” dollars by doing it this way etc. Now it becomes a determination to proof I will save us money. She is rarely convinced despite my STELLAR track record. Basically, Sales people annoy me. This same principle can be applied to telemarketers or door-to-door sales people. May I present an example: (warning: adult language)



Now in the case of the ring, I was running solo. I was convinced that there was no way proposing and then bringing Courtney along for this little journey was gonna be good for my wallet. I picked out the ring myself (awww, that is so sweet) because it would be cheaper this way (cheapskate…). I knew I was going to get a round cut diamond, and I knew the facets and all the little things that were going to be thrown at me by the sales person. The sales pitch is basically the same.

Salesperson: “Hi, How can I help you?”

Jon: “Looking at Engagement rings…”

S: “Very nice! Congratulations!”

Jon: “For what? I am about to be poor and she hasn’t even said yes yet.” (Courtney just loves these encounters…did I mention that?)

S: “True, right this way sir.”

(I usually laugh to myself ‘cause at this point they have no idea how to deal with me, which was sort of the intention)

S: “What kind of ring would you like?” The say this as the pull out the craziest looking diamond coated piece of metal they have and continue “Look at this one, isn’t it gorgeous?”

Jon: “I think that looks pretty tacky, don’t you? Who buys something like that?”

Again, they are caught off guard as I walk to the engagement rings further down and find a few that look interesting. This is when the next pitch comes in as predictable as the Houston Humidity.

S: “Oh that is a wonderful choice!” (I could of picked out a turd on stick and this guy would of thought it was wonderful) “Now may I recommend this one…” (and he hands me essentially the exact same ring with a larger diamonds)

Jon: “Of course you would, that one is huge! You see commission; I see conversations about debt with my new fiancé after she says yes…if she says yes!”

S: “Oh but sir, Love is forever, this is the only time you are going to buy an engagement ring for the one you love, you should make it memorable!”

Jon: “If the size of the ring I give her is going to determine her answer, then I probably shouldn’t be proposing in the first place. Don’t ya think? No wonder the divorce rate is so high…”

Eventually, I tell the sales person I think I am going to continue to look around and see what I can find. The magic response to this every time, is:

S: “Well, today we are having a 10% off sale on this ring, but it ends today, just so you know.”

Jon: “Man, that is too bad, ‘cause the store I just came from said they have a 20% off sale today. I should probably go back there then huh?”

Which is followed by the inevitable…

S: “Yes, but you just don’t know the quality of those diamonds. Here we only sell quality diamonds of the best ratings…”

And this is where I usually bust out some of that diamond knowledge on the guy about the Cut Clarity and Color I am looking for and the price (COST) I am willing to pay for that, and the other store has the same range blah blah blah….This is where I usually get the blank stare from the sales person that indicates I won! This is all that really matters. Victory. Right now you are thinking, I can see why Courtney loves these little encounters!



Eventually I found a ring that was classic enough, but unique enough to work. I knew she would like it, but I had no idea when I was going to give it to her.

Meanwhile, at the bat cave…

The day I did all this conquering of sales people, Courtney was trying to get a hold of me to find out if I was going to meet her for dinner with her parents. I remember ignoring a few phone calls from her in the middle of these little battles I was winning, thinking “honey, if you only knew what I was doing right now…” Well, as I discovered later, what she was doing was considering breaking up with me because she was so mad that I wasn’t answering my phone. She thought I was at Home Depot or something and figured there was no reason to not answer the phone. I probably could have looking back, but I had my game face on. So apparently the closest we ever came to breaking up was the day that I bought the engagement ring.

Now I have the ring, but before I pop the question, I have to ask the dads for permission to ask her to marry me. Yes. Dads. Plural.

My lucky stars decided that I would get to have the “ask the dad” conversation twice!

Jon