How We Met

For those of you reading this that were at our Rehearsal Dinner, some of this might be a repeat, but perhaps there is enough new in here to entertain. For others, this would be an unmodified recording of how we met. No embellishments or liberties were taken in this historical account. Ok, maybe just a few…

We met…online *gasp*. I basically stalked her until she finally gave in and conceded to one date…wait…that was an ex-girlfriend. I can’t talk about that here under advice of my lawyer since charges are still pending…
We did, though, meet on match.com.





It used to be that if you met through a dating service that you kind of made up another story on how you met out of fear of the ridicule that people would give you behind your back because somehow we were flawed and put into the “unwanted” bucket of online dating. I saw it as a way to save money by screening on the loonys out there. Trust me, they are there.

When we first met online, I was still self employed. So you can imagine my thoughts when we were chatting at around 1pm on a Wednesday and I asked Courtney what she did for work, and she replied that she was a teacher. Let me repeat for emphasis, 1pm, Wednesday. Now yes, my mom AND my sister are 3rd grade teachers so I kind of know how that life goes, but I don’t think I needed that experience to know that chatting online during school hours was probably not a part of the job description. So I am thinking, fantastic. A DELUSIONAL loony toon…NEXT! She quickly explained that she was on leave for medical reasons. Well THAT didn’t exactly dissuade my initial conclusion either. I then discovered that she had just had major surgery and was recovering at home. By recovering, I mean pretty much completely debilitated to the point she lived with her parents and going out in public was an exhausting ordeal.

So just to recap here. Never met Courtney, but she is a teacher who is not teaching, major surgery, living with parents, can’t go out in public without heaven and earth aligning just right. What’s not to love?! As it turns out, there was everything to love.

So my dilemma was figuring out how to ask her on a date, since going out wasn’t exactly a quick decision thing. I pondered when it would be appropriate and finally figured out that she was going stir crazy in the house with her mom, and needed to get out. I figured ok, let set a date in the future, gives her plenty of time to prepare. Next weeks Houston Aeros game should work. For the non-Houstonians, the Aeros are the minor league hockey team in town. One of my tests for dating a girl at the time was if a girl could enjoy a live hockey game then there was potential. She agreed and the date was set. 1 week to wait…

…until later that evening, about 10pm, she asked me if I wanted to go to the Houston Texans game the following day with her and some of her friends. Mind you, we haven’t even talked on the phone at this point. Why? I don’t really know looking back, we just chatted away on the computer and it never came up. So here is my dilemma. I have never been to a Texans game; the seats were like 20 rows back lower section 45 yd line. However, I’d never met this girl, and our first date was going to be with her and her friends? That sounds awkward, for me, her, AND her friends. If you know me though, you know that I strongly believe awkward equals awesome stories. So the logical conclusion here is to say; “absolutely.” The worst thing that can happen is I get a good story about the first date I had at a Texans game with this crazy girl and her friends! This would fall into that category of the first date with Hooter’s girl wearing a Prom dress at a Red Robin. Sounds like a bad joke doesn’t it? Nope. This would be a true story…but I digress!

Needless to say, the date went well. She pulled the whole “I’m not putting my arm around you, I just need to stretch” move on me, which I am pretty sure was something I was supposed to do. You know, *yawn* oh hey it so much more comfortable with my arms spread out and…well whadya know…you just happen to be in front of my outstretched arm. Crazy! That move.

I did get a story out of it, but not the awkward that-didn’t-just-happen-did-it kind of story. On another date, we were sitting in her car in front of her apartment as she had finally escaped the parent’s house. We were doing the awkward, sit there and pretend to be fascinated by whatever we were talking about (I still have no clue, and we talked for at least 30 minutes). The whole time I was thinking, I’m gonna kiss her…now…no, not now…now…stop you moron…ok maybe…no…now…idiot! That sort of thing ran through my head during the whole time we actually had a verbal conversation about god only knows what. Pizza toppings? Preferred starburst flavor? Who knows…? The conversation hit a lull, and after both of us staring straight ahead for a bit, I finally decided it was time. So with anticipation of sparks and thunder claps and a spontaneous Hallelujah Chorus emerging from the back seat, I leaned across my car and kissed her. Virtually no reaction at all. Nothing. Like kissing a brick wall. Not sure if I caught her off guard, or what, but there was definitely no Hallelujah Chorus in the backseat. Just old trash I had tossed back there while driving. Awkward silence ensued.





Ok so it wasn’t quite like those videos, but I had to find some excuse to toss those in there! What ran through my head during that inevitable awkward silence, was chaos. “That was unexpected. How did that go so wrong? Maybe I am way off here. Maybe she thinks I am just creepy! Is Burger King open late? Stay calm. Pretend that was normal. I wonder if the Astros won tonight. Focus! Say something, idiot, say something!” What came out was really sophisticated and suave I am sure. I really have no idea what I said, but I imagine it was along the lines of when can I see you again? At least that is how I remember it. Courtney may tell you otherwise.

The Kiss must not have been too bad, or at least the expectations were so low I couldn’t screw it up, which is far more likely. We continued to date, things went well, things went fast. One day I decided to surprise her cause I was in the area and just called her and asked if I could come by. She paused for a second unexpectedly, and then said:

“My mom is here, is that ok?”

What are you supposed to say at that? “Oh hell no, I’m outta here!” Of course you say, “Yeah sure! I’d love to meet your mom!” You then spend the next 10 minutes in the car prepping for the inevitable meeting of the mom. This was not on today’s agenda! Do I look respectable? Mature? Just be yourself…the mind chaos came back.

Then I had no choice. I was at her apartment.

I was about to meet…”The Mom.”

But meeting the parents is a whole Blog post in itself! So that is how we met. The classic American Romance. Or not so much, but it is our story, and that is how we like it.

Jon