So the day arrived. I was proposing tonight.
We were going to the East coast for 2 weeks. Courtney. Me. My family.
I had already decided to propose on day 1. My reason was so I could get this freaking ring out of hiding so I wouldn’t lose it on Day 3, waiting for “the right moment”. I knew I was going to propose at the reflecting pool with the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument looking on. I set this scenario up under the guise of taking night photos of the monuments and getting there at sunset to see if there would be any cool photos at sunset. She had been to DC before, but never really seen it at night, so this was a plausible cover story.
The only people who knew about this was my family and “the Dad’s”. So the plan was pretty simple. We would wander around sort of getting a lay of the land during the day, go get dinner and then Courtney and I would scamper off to go “catch that perfect photo” while the family would go back to the hotel room under the guise of being travel weary etc. We even planned for a contingency of us having to leave dinner early in order to catch the sunset so she didn’t think it was odd that just we were going. I had the sunset charts out, I knew when the sun was officially going to set, I knew about how long it would take us to walk over there. Done.
And then dinner came and a few drinks later, we were laughing and chatting, when suddenly I realized the time. Sunset was in 15 minutes and we had about a 15 minute walk. CRAP! So literally I practically jumped up in mid sentence and grabbed Courtney and was like “we’re off!”
My family didn’t flinch cause they knew what was going on. Courtney on the other hand was probably in mid bite and was a little confused as to the urgency. We than began speed walking. Past the white house…starting to get dusky…we are hauling through the streets of DC. And then that inevitable statement comes from Courtney. “I have to pee”. I ignored it and just kept going hoping that it would go away. Not so much. “Jon! I have to pee…like now!” well crap.
Ok…no problem. How do I solve this…there are no bathrooms on the National Mall…Lincoln wouldn’t really appreciate it…Port-A-Can! It will have to do. My fiancĂ© wasn’t real thrilled with this first proposal of mine, but accepted it and decided it would work. So as I was waiting outside watching the sun burry itself into the horizon WAY faster than it normally does, she was in a plastic toilet on the National mall, oblivious to what was going to happen in a few minutes.
She finally came out, and we bolted off again. We finally reached the area I had in mind. We had our little cardio work for the day, and she was only sort of annoyed at the rushing now because we basically arrived to a cloudy overcast grayness that was slowly getting darker and was not exactly picture worthy.
So I begin to look for a good place to do this thing. I wasn’t going to plop myself down in the middle of a bunch of tourists so I was looking for something semi secluded but not like 100 yds away. This process involved more of me dragging Courtney all over the WWII / Lincoln Memorial / reflecting Pool area at what I am sure seemed like random deliberate “goingness”.
Jackpot.
I found a vacant bench off to the side of the reflecting pool where we could see the Washington Memorial and the Reflecting pool. Very few people. Perfect. So we sit down to “wait for the sun to set” so we can get night photos. We sat there people watching, while I was trying to figure out a natural way to get the ring out of my camera bag and into my pocket. In a very similar way you would yawn to put your arm around a girl, I slowly put down my bag and was “checking the zippers” to make sure that everything was secure. At least that’s what I think I told her. She probably thought it strange but figured, whatever makes you happy, I’m finally sitting and not speed walking around DC with a full bladder.
So I pulled out the ring from its pouch. I didn’t bring the box because it was too bulky and got the ring in my pocket. I then realized I needed to get the ring out of the pouch, but it was already in my pocket…doh! So now I am wiggling and jiggling in my pocket…yes…I’m sure it was awkward. Finally got the ring free. The thought process now turned to what exactly was I going to say. It had to be kind of unique, but what? Then a video came into mind…
Oh crap. What if she says she can’t? She is stuck with me and my family for 2 weeks? She wouldn’t have come though…naw, I’m good. Ok. What to say…what to say…maybe we can make this an engagement trip…possible…what else...hmmm. Ok, screw it, I’m just gonna get off this bench, grab her hand and just say whatever comes out. That is fail proof! How could that go wrong! I’ll just wait for these little old ladies to pass in front of us..and its’ game time…wait…no, no…the old ladies are sitting down…oh for the love of…right next to us?! Of all the places to sit? Here? Now?! Argh!. I nodded my head in a polite hello and smiled. Now what?
So I started to search out Plan B. There. Right on the Reflecting pool there are some steps that we could sit on. Just as good, and free of people. So I made some wacky excuse about scouting out photo sites and grabbed her hand and off we went again. At this point I am pretty sure she was in her own world just resigned to the fact that I was nuts, and that’s just how it was.
So we got to our steps, it was even better than the bench. Literally like 10 feet from the reflecting pool. You could see Lincoln starting to glow from the lights turning on, WWII was lighting up, it was perfect. So I started the motivational process over again. Where was I gonna put my knee? I started to scan the ground. Oh crap. Literally. Duck poop everywhere. How am I gonna pull this off! I can’t exactly do a catchers squat and propose…that’s not protocol!
“Look! Fireflies!”
“huh.”
Courtney had noticed that all around us, fireflies were starting to buzz all around. She was elated. She started telling me stories about when she was a kid and I am sure I nodded, but all was looking at and thinking was. “duck poop”. This was not in my plan.
I finally figured out how to place my knee in such a way to avoid the duck poop…so here we go.
A lull in the conversation, and I started off into whatever it was I was about to say.
Me: “So I was thinking…”
C: “uh huh”
Me: “We are on this trip for 2 weeks with my family”
C: “yeah, I think it will be fine”
I later realized she was anticipating that I was concerned that we were going to drive her crazy over the next 2 weeks…at the time…I had no clue.
Me: “So I was thinking we could make this an engagement trip”
I then got down on one knee and showed her the ring…
C: -while looking around at fireflies, and not at me kneeling in duck poop – “Ok, that sounds good” –still no notice of me…in the duck poop-
So this wasn’t going quite as planned, but I was going now…I was committed…so just plow through this…
Me: “So, will you marry me?”
C: “wait, what?” –she finally notices that I am kneeling in duck poop holding out a shiny little rock looking at her as if I was expecting an answer-
Me: -in my head- I am thinking this is where you say “yes”…do I have to repeat this? How is this complicated…HELLO!!! Shiny rock! Yours! Take it!!! For the love of God I am kneeling in duck poop for your love! I am right here and…
C: “YES!”
Thank god. Life can move on.
What happened next was lots of squealing, smiling, and then the phone came out. This was my cue that I had played my part and now it was time to tell the moms and the rest of the world…
She text a picture of her ring to her mom, who at that very moment had decided to take a bathroom break at Pappacitos. Rick was about to tell her what I was doing, but the “I have to pee” moment happened to him to. Like Mother, like Daughter.
So Courtney went into mini panic mode because apparently there is a pre-determined priority protocol in announcing these things. Her mom had to know before she could text other people and a few “special” people had to know before it went on Facebook. Because when it is on Facebook, it is officially official.
Panic. Panic. Panic…phone rings…it’s her mom. The world can now continue.
Now at this point I had figured out that I was not needed and that I could go take pictures. After all, that is why we were here in the first place. As I was getting my camera ready I hear this conversation.
C: “Hi Mommy! I’m engaged!....Mom?...Your crying because you are happy right?”
Awesome. Probably a good thing to clear up…
So that was that.
We were engaged.
I would write a whole post on the wedding planning process, but I think this video pretty much sums that up nicely…
June 5th, 2011. The day we got engaged.
The Site
Other photos from that night...
Jon
A bible verse to live by...
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
Jeremiah 29:11
Jeremiah 29:11
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Phase 2
Well phase 2 actually started much before phase 1 did but as you will see it was a lot more time consuming. Lets start it off with a picture of what it looked like before we attacked it.
The first adjustment I made was during the wedding activities I moved the table so that I could see the TV and someone else could join me. After the wedding we were discussing what we wanted to do to the house and one of the easier, cheaper things we could start with was paint. Well lucky for me, I have a very talented husband who has experience with home renovations. So one day he comes home from work with this crazy drawing of what he thought we should do in my scrapbook room. I kind of looked at it and said "That's nice, how do we do it?" He chuckled a little bit and said well we have to start by getting the paint. Our first couple painting experience was at the rental house when he decided he needed to teach me how to cut in. After watching my mom spend a whole day painting a bathroom because she taped it all, he made it very clear that I had better learn how to do it without tape. For those of you that don't know, Jon used to own his own renovation business and he is VERY comfortable with these small tasks. I on the other hand had only done it once and that was brutal, those who saw my bathroom in college know what I am talking about. So I quickly learned two things, 1. I goes much faster when Jon helps me 2. I need to cut in and he needs to roll. There is something about that roller that gets out of control and I get it EVERYWHERE. So one Friday night he surprised me with a can of paint and said lets get busy, so romantic a Friday night painting together. So we did and I am pretty sure the two of us knocked out the whole room in all of about 2 hours. I was quite excited and totally encouraged that maybe this project wouldn't take quite as long as he was saying. Well as I would soon find out, painting the whole room was the fastest part. Then came the stripes. As soon as the paint dried Jon was very eager to start drawing on the wall to see what it was actually going to look like, so he set off with his level one night and got busy. He drew a few sets of lines on the main wall and then complained that his arms were sore or something wimpy like that. The next night he showed me how we needed to tape the room and all of the steps to painting the stripes. It went a little like this...
1. Tape two of the 4 lines on the wall (2 on the top and 2 on the bottom or 2 on the left and 2 on the right)
2. Paint a layer of the base color, going inside out as to not bleed the "other color"
3. Let it dry and then paint a layer of accent color
4. Let it dry and the peel off the tape.
5. Start all over back at step 1
So, needless to say this took a long time. 3 of the 4 walls required steps 1-5 to be done twice and the other was required it 4 times. So we dabbled at this process for about 3 weeks before I had enough. My scrapbook room was a disaster and there was so much great scrapbook time I was missing out on. I went a little crazy and all but kicked, stomped and screamed that this room needed to be done SOON! So we locked ourselves in that room working on it the rest of the weekend and finished painting. Then Monday after work we hung everything up, and it looks AMAZING! I love it and just want to sit in here for hours, which is good because I have hours of work that can be done sitting at that table.
So that is what we have been constructing over the last month, and I love it! And now I think we will take a small break before we move on to phase 3, the bedroom.
The first adjustment I made was during the wedding activities I moved the table so that I could see the TV and someone else could join me. After the wedding we were discussing what we wanted to do to the house and one of the easier, cheaper things we could start with was paint. Well lucky for me, I have a very talented husband who has experience with home renovations. So one day he comes home from work with this crazy drawing of what he thought we should do in my scrapbook room. I kind of looked at it and said "That's nice, how do we do it?" He chuckled a little bit and said well we have to start by getting the paint. Our first couple painting experience was at the rental house when he decided he needed to teach me how to cut in. After watching my mom spend a whole day painting a bathroom because she taped it all, he made it very clear that I had better learn how to do it without tape. For those of you that don't know, Jon used to own his own renovation business and he is VERY comfortable with these small tasks. I on the other hand had only done it once and that was brutal, those who saw my bathroom in college know what I am talking about. So I quickly learned two things, 1. I goes much faster when Jon helps me 2. I need to cut in and he needs to roll. There is something about that roller that gets out of control and I get it EVERYWHERE. So one Friday night he surprised me with a can of paint and said lets get busy, so romantic a Friday night painting together. So we did and I am pretty sure the two of us knocked out the whole room in all of about 2 hours. I was quite excited and totally encouraged that maybe this project wouldn't take quite as long as he was saying. Well as I would soon find out, painting the whole room was the fastest part. Then came the stripes. As soon as the paint dried Jon was very eager to start drawing on the wall to see what it was actually going to look like, so he set off with his level one night and got busy. He drew a few sets of lines on the main wall and then complained that his arms were sore or something wimpy like that. The next night he showed me how we needed to tape the room and all of the steps to painting the stripes. It went a little like this...
1. Tape two of the 4 lines on the wall (2 on the top and 2 on the bottom or 2 on the left and 2 on the right)
2. Paint a layer of the base color, going inside out as to not bleed the "other color"
3. Let it dry and then paint a layer of accent color
4. Let it dry and the peel off the tape.
5. Start all over back at step 1
So, needless to say this took a long time. 3 of the 4 walls required steps 1-5 to be done twice and the other was required it 4 times. So we dabbled at this process for about 3 weeks before I had enough. My scrapbook room was a disaster and there was so much great scrapbook time I was missing out on. I went a little crazy and all but kicked, stomped and screamed that this room needed to be done SOON! So we locked ourselves in that room working on it the rest of the weekend and finished painting. Then Monday after work we hung everything up, and it looks AMAZING! I love it and just want to sit in here for hours, which is good because I have hours of work that can be done sitting at that table.
So that is what we have been constructing over the last month, and I love it! And now I think we will take a small break before we move on to phase 3, the bedroom.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
The Unity Candle
So as I get the wedding pictures back I am reminded of the sweet memories from that day. There are some that have funny stories and I thought I would share one. We decided we wanted to try to have an outdoor wedding, the ultimate deciding factor would be the weather for the day. Jon had been watching the weather and doing research as the day came closer. Since the wedding was in February there was an average high of like 70 and a low of 40 something. So, we knew it would be a gamble. As the day came closer it was warming up and really looking like it would be a nice day. The weather forecast said it was supposed to rain the day before and the day after but was clear for the day of the wedding. As I woke up that morning I remember thinking surely it would hold out and be a wonderful day. And, it was beautiful. We had a lot of family that had come in from much colder areas. I had a grandmother and 2 aunts whose flights had been delayed due to lots of snow and the day of our wedding it was about 70 degrees here. As they day went on, apparently Jon and Chad (the pastor) started to realized the wind was picking up. I was clueless to this because I was in a room with all the girls, doing hair and make up all day long. so Jon and Chad came up with a game plan in case the unity candle didn't light. As the ceremony was about to begin the wedding coordinator warned all of the mothers that the unity candle may not light and she had put a lighter up there for them to use. I missed this memo and was totally clueless. As the doors open and the procession begins I was hiding behind a corner and couldn't really see what was going on. All of the mothers were escorted down the isle and headed up to light the candle.
Lucky for them there were three of them to tackle this task. As they got up there, they appeared to have a problem. The candle was not really wanting to light, the wind was making thing more difficult than one would have thought.
The were working very hard and everyone could tell. So, the men in my family decided to help. 2 of my uncles and my cousin's husband decided to come up and make a shield from the wind for them.
To this, the crowd let out a chuckle. As I hid behind a corner, I still had no idea what was going on. Jon and Chad realized as they his behind the door figured that maybe it had something to do with the candle. So the ceremony continues and it comes time for Jon and me to light the unity candle and it had gone out. We walk over and I begin to attack this problem. I was determined to get these two candles lit. All along Jon has a smirk on his face and is saying "It's fine, let it go, it will be ok." No no I was going to get them lit and it was going to work dang it...
Finally, I got both of the individual candles lit and we were able to attempt to light the big one.
As we brought the two candles together they both went out. Since Jon and Chad had a plan he kept encouraging me to let it go and move back to the front. He kept telling me it was ok and we needed to go. I was thinking to myself, "Ok, no it's not ok. We have to get these things lit." Finally I did let it go and we walked back. As we arrived Chad announced, "The internal flame has been lit." These are the things that make our wedding, our wedding.
Lucky for them there were three of them to tackle this task. As they got up there, they appeared to have a problem. The candle was not really wanting to light, the wind was making thing more difficult than one would have thought.
The were working very hard and everyone could tell. So, the men in my family decided to help. 2 of my uncles and my cousin's husband decided to come up and make a shield from the wind for them.
To this, the crowd let out a chuckle. As I hid behind a corner, I still had no idea what was going on. Jon and Chad realized as they his behind the door figured that maybe it had something to do with the candle. So the ceremony continues and it comes time for Jon and me to light the unity candle and it had gone out. We walk over and I begin to attack this problem. I was determined to get these two candles lit. All along Jon has a smirk on his face and is saying "It's fine, let it go, it will be ok." No no I was going to get them lit and it was going to work dang it...
Finally, I got both of the individual candles lit and we were able to attempt to light the big one.
As we brought the two candles together they both went out. Since Jon and Chad had a plan he kept encouraging me to let it go and move back to the front. He kept telling me it was ok and we needed to go. I was thinking to myself, "Ok, no it's not ok. We have to get these things lit." Finally I did let it go and we walked back. As we arrived Chad announced, "The internal flame has been lit." These are the things that make our wedding, our wedding.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The Proposal pt. 2 – Questions, Questions, Questions
So I knew early on that Courtney essentially had two families. No big deal. As it became clear what direction we were heading it occurred to me that 2 families meant I had 2 dads to ask “the question” to. You know when your parents say things to you like “life just isn’t fair”? This is the kind of thing that should serve as exhibit A for that statement.
Now I had established one thing in my head long before I had even bought the ring. There was no chance that I was even hinting at this to Courtney’s Mom. In fact I was so sure that if she got wind of this at all, any chance at surprise would be out the window. I actually had to plan my phone calls to ask “the question” for the last minute because of this. Let’s just say, keeping secrets isn’t her strength. I present this video as an example of what an interaction between Courtney and her mom would be if her mom knew.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orPlK0wlYMQ&playnext=1&list=PL803B45264FFF8246
(sorry you have to follow the link, they wouldn’t let me embed it)
Recently we were driving in the car, and she voluntarily said “so when do you want us to give your birthday present to you? Now or later?” that would be fine and all, except, my Birthday isn’t for another month. This was followed up by, “You could wear it…um…oops.” Yeah, not a lot of drama in what I am getting for my birthday!
This is exactly why she wasn’t going to know until the last possible moment. If she knew before, she would be chit chatting away on the phone with Courtney about who knows what, and then “accidentally” say something like:
“So when do you want to go look at wedding venues?”
“um…who is getting married?”
“oh!...um…er…I gotta go!” –click-
Yeah…need to avoid this. But first things first…”the question”
I don’t know exactly when it occurred to me, but at some point it occurred to me that I really didn’t know what “the question” really was. I also admit that I googled “Jayne Eyre marriage blessing” looking for some old out of date scene involving some Old English and strangely dressed people to make fun of the situation, but after watching about 15 seconds of one video, I passed out, so I elected to NOT torture you with such nonsense. The problem wasn’t asking the question, I just had no idea what that question was! Am I asking for a blessing? That sounds awkward and a very 18th century. And how does that conversation go?
“Hi, I would like to get your blessing to ask Courtney to marry me.”
“um…ok…you are blessed.”
“ah, great! Thanks! So…what do you think about El Nino?
That didn’t sound very fun…
So maybe I was asking for permission. Isn’t that what they do in the movies? But permission also seems a bit antiquated. Permission felt like they had control over the answer Courtney would give. I understand that it is more of a courtesy, but can’t I be courteous without being awkward and strange?
“Hi, I would like to ask your permission to ask Courtney to marry me.”
“HA!, not a chance.”
“oh. Um…please?”
“nope”
“do you accept bribes?”
See, that just had too much potential for my fragile state of mind to be taken advantage of. So what was I supposed to do? Just inform them? Write a press release? I mean after all that is basically what I was doing right? It was just a prequel to the actual question popping. What I settled on was basically the shot gun approach.
“I would like to ask for your permission and blessing to ask Courtney to marry me, and any advice you might have for us going forward?”
See, this basically allows them to choose which one of those things they want to address and move forward without any awkwardness, or at least as little as possible, and still have the unwritten protocol of making contact with the dad prior to asking the BIG question.
So I knew I was going to do this a good month and a half before I actually asked Courtney to marry me. I was going to propose in Washington D.C. by the reflecting pond at sunset. BAM!
We were going on a 2 week trip with my family and D.C was Day 1. Get this ring out of my suitcase and on to her finger asap, so I didn’t so something stupid like lose it. It was also because I could then make the “dad” calls the day before we left, and leave it to them to tell the moms, and with any luck, by the time the mom’s even knew, so would Courtney. This was brilliant! How could this go wrong! Well, let’s continue…
I called Rick first. I knew he was on a business trip to San Francisco, so I knew I wouldn’t have to worry about him answering while sitting right next to Marie. Now what I figured out was that it didn’t matter how comfortable you are with your soon to be wife’s dad, it doesn’t matter how comfortable you are on the phone, and it doesn’t matter how confident you are in the outcome of the phone call. Dialing the numbers is nerve racking. Mind chaos: ok, so here we go. Dial the number, look at the number in the phone, check the number, yup…it’s correct. All you have to do is push talk…what’s that? A cobweb up in the top corner of the living room? I better clean that up. This phone call can wait. Ok, that was important, been meaning to do that for some time. Ok. Dial number. Yup the number is right. Push call. Ok. Pushed call…-ring-…holy crap it’s ringing! What on earth am I doing! Hang up now! Quick, no you can’t hang up; he will see your number! -ring- ok breathe, no big deal!, it’s just Rick! -ring- nope. This is a big deal…gonna pass out…feeling a little woozy here…-rin…”This is Rick Kivela.”
Ah. The moment had arrived. All I had to do was state me pre-constructed introduction and carefully crafted question and let him do the rest. I could hear airport announcements in the background which didn’t concern me cause I knew he was away on business.
“Hey Rick, this is Jon, Courtney’s boyfriend. I was actually planning on asking Courtney to marry me while we are on this upcoming trip to the east coast. I wanted to touch base with you before we left and ask for your permission and blessing as well as any advice you might have for us going forward?”
Done….I got it out, I sounded sophisticated, calm, confident, normal. Success! Now I just wait for him to do his part of this ritual and I can move on to part 2…
“I’m sorry. Who is this again?”
MIND CHAOS: oh crap. He didn’t hear any of that and besides that he doesn’t even know who I am! FAIL FAIL FAIL! Abort mission! No, no, he is at the airport and couldn’t hear…just ask again. It’s not that hard you retard!
See, what I forgot in all the preparation for just asking the question was that I forgot Rick likely did not have my number on his business phone, because he would normally call from his home phone should he need to get a hold of me or Courtney. He didn’t have any caller ID to assist in this critical identification process that I took for granted.
“It’s Jon Prebish, um…Courtney’s boyfriend?”
I kind of hoped that did the trick because if it didn’t, I really didn’t know where to go from there. I mean what do I say then without sounding condescending and just plain rude? And that isn’t a good way to start the permission conversation. “You know, the guy who always shows up at your house with your daughter?” that just sounds like I am being an ass no matter how genuine it is! Luckily…he heard me the second time.
So I blurted out my prepared mini speech again. I didn’t really have any expectations for this conversation. I didn’t know if this would be a 2 minute conversation, or a 30 minute conversation. I kind of assumed if it went longer than 10 minutes I was probably going to be in lawyer mode presenting my case as to why I am worthy and that can’t be a good sign. After all, the 60 seconds it took for me to establish who I was and what I wanted was more than I was comfortable with already!
Needless to say, It went way past 10 minutes, and I didn’t have to go into lawyer mode. Rick took the advice part of my prepared mini speech and ran with it. If I didn’t know better, he had prepared for this! He gave me financial advice, marital advice, and explained how Marie and him were really happy cause they could see how happy Courtney was (they apparently forgot about the day I bought the ring…) and all in all congratulated me and the conversation was over.
-whew-
It occurred to me afterwards that if I was going to ask for advice I probably should be surprised if advice was given. I remember the big picture of what was said, but I probably should of taken notes. My brain was too busy thinking “this is going well” and then it somehow reminded itself that I had to do it all over again.
Now on to call Greg. Now I called Rick first because I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be completely caught off guard, pending airline announcements at the time of important introductions, and so I figured that would go smoothly. At the time of making this call, I had been to KC once. Remember that trip to KC? Yeah, that was it. So I was pretty sure this was going to be a bit of a shocker for him. So in some way, I felt like maybe I could just plow over this before he knew what had just happened. So I didn’t get as antsy for this phone call because I was half way home.
Greg answered.
“Hi Mr. White, This is Jon, Courtney’s boyfriend down in Houston.”
This time I paused to make sure he knew who I was.
“Oh. Well, hey there.”
I’m pretty sure he was expecting me to deliver some bad news or something terrible had happened, after all why in the world would I be calling him?! I gave him my little speech and was expecting something similar to what Rick had given me. I don’t know why I expected this, I suppose because my sample size of responses was 1. Greg’s response was quite different.
“Oh!...um…well…I hope you two know what you are doing.”
Hmm…so my first thought here was, does that count as a yes? I had no idea. It was sort of a neutral passive non-answer. Now what do I do! They need a book called “Asking the dad the question for Dummies” I am sure they would prepare you for these contingencies that I was not prepared for. Ch.4 – What do say when they don’t know who you are. Ch.5 – How to respond when they don’t really answer the question”. Those would have been two very useful chapters.
I’m not sure what I actually said next. I think I nervously laughed, hoping it was a joke. The thing was as unfamiliar as he was with me; I was as unfamiliar with him. So we had no clue how to interact! He eventually said the word congratulations at some point so I took that and thought, good enough. About 30 seconds into this conversation, he asks me this.
“So what do you think about this Pac-10 Big-12 conference merger?”
Awesome. This was going to work out just fine. I think I gave him a quick 10 second blurb about something and basically that was the end of the conversation. Short. Sweet. A dash of sports. What isn’t to like!
Mission accomplished.
2 dad’s to call, 2 permissions to proceed to the last step…Asking the REAL question. I'm just glad I am not Clint.
Oi…kids might have to wait…
Jon
Now I had established one thing in my head long before I had even bought the ring. There was no chance that I was even hinting at this to Courtney’s Mom. In fact I was so sure that if she got wind of this at all, any chance at surprise would be out the window. I actually had to plan my phone calls to ask “the question” for the last minute because of this. Let’s just say, keeping secrets isn’t her strength. I present this video as an example of what an interaction between Courtney and her mom would be if her mom knew.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orPlK0wlYMQ&playnext=1&list=PL803B45264FFF8246
(sorry you have to follow the link, they wouldn’t let me embed it)
Recently we were driving in the car, and she voluntarily said “so when do you want us to give your birthday present to you? Now or later?” that would be fine and all, except, my Birthday isn’t for another month. This was followed up by, “You could wear it…um…oops.” Yeah, not a lot of drama in what I am getting for my birthday!
This is exactly why she wasn’t going to know until the last possible moment. If she knew before, she would be chit chatting away on the phone with Courtney about who knows what, and then “accidentally” say something like:
“So when do you want to go look at wedding venues?”
“um…who is getting married?”
“oh!...um…er…I gotta go!” –click-
Yeah…need to avoid this. But first things first…”the question”
I don’t know exactly when it occurred to me, but at some point it occurred to me that I really didn’t know what “the question” really was. I also admit that I googled “Jayne Eyre marriage blessing” looking for some old out of date scene involving some Old English and strangely dressed people to make fun of the situation, but after watching about 15 seconds of one video, I passed out, so I elected to NOT torture you with such nonsense. The problem wasn’t asking the question, I just had no idea what that question was! Am I asking for a blessing? That sounds awkward and a very 18th century. And how does that conversation go?
“Hi, I would like to get your blessing to ask Courtney to marry me.”
“um…ok…you are blessed.”
“ah, great! Thanks! So…what do you think about El Nino?
That didn’t sound very fun…
So maybe I was asking for permission. Isn’t that what they do in the movies? But permission also seems a bit antiquated. Permission felt like they had control over the answer Courtney would give. I understand that it is more of a courtesy, but can’t I be courteous without being awkward and strange?
“Hi, I would like to ask your permission to ask Courtney to marry me.”
“HA!, not a chance.”
“oh. Um…please?”
“nope”
“do you accept bribes?”
See, that just had too much potential for my fragile state of mind to be taken advantage of. So what was I supposed to do? Just inform them? Write a press release? I mean after all that is basically what I was doing right? It was just a prequel to the actual question popping. What I settled on was basically the shot gun approach.
“I would like to ask for your permission and blessing to ask Courtney to marry me, and any advice you might have for us going forward?”
See, this basically allows them to choose which one of those things they want to address and move forward without any awkwardness, or at least as little as possible, and still have the unwritten protocol of making contact with the dad prior to asking the BIG question.
So I knew I was going to do this a good month and a half before I actually asked Courtney to marry me. I was going to propose in Washington D.C. by the reflecting pond at sunset. BAM!
We were going on a 2 week trip with my family and D.C was Day 1. Get this ring out of my suitcase and on to her finger asap, so I didn’t so something stupid like lose it. It was also because I could then make the “dad” calls the day before we left, and leave it to them to tell the moms, and with any luck, by the time the mom’s even knew, so would Courtney. This was brilliant! How could this go wrong! Well, let’s continue…
I called Rick first. I knew he was on a business trip to San Francisco, so I knew I wouldn’t have to worry about him answering while sitting right next to Marie. Now what I figured out was that it didn’t matter how comfortable you are with your soon to be wife’s dad, it doesn’t matter how comfortable you are on the phone, and it doesn’t matter how confident you are in the outcome of the phone call. Dialing the numbers is nerve racking. Mind chaos: ok, so here we go. Dial the number, look at the number in the phone, check the number, yup…it’s correct. All you have to do is push talk…what’s that? A cobweb up in the top corner of the living room? I better clean that up. This phone call can wait. Ok, that was important, been meaning to do that for some time. Ok. Dial number. Yup the number is right. Push call. Ok. Pushed call…-ring-…holy crap it’s ringing! What on earth am I doing! Hang up now! Quick, no you can’t hang up; he will see your number! -ring- ok breathe, no big deal!, it’s just Rick! -ring- nope. This is a big deal…gonna pass out…feeling a little woozy here…-rin…”This is Rick Kivela.”
Ah. The moment had arrived. All I had to do was state me pre-constructed introduction and carefully crafted question and let him do the rest. I could hear airport announcements in the background which didn’t concern me cause I knew he was away on business.
“Hey Rick, this is Jon, Courtney’s boyfriend. I was actually planning on asking Courtney to marry me while we are on this upcoming trip to the east coast. I wanted to touch base with you before we left and ask for your permission and blessing as well as any advice you might have for us going forward?”
Done….I got it out, I sounded sophisticated, calm, confident, normal. Success! Now I just wait for him to do his part of this ritual and I can move on to part 2…
“I’m sorry. Who is this again?”
MIND CHAOS: oh crap. He didn’t hear any of that and besides that he doesn’t even know who I am! FAIL FAIL FAIL! Abort mission! No, no, he is at the airport and couldn’t hear…just ask again. It’s not that hard you retard!
See, what I forgot in all the preparation for just asking the question was that I forgot Rick likely did not have my number on his business phone, because he would normally call from his home phone should he need to get a hold of me or Courtney. He didn’t have any caller ID to assist in this critical identification process that I took for granted.
“It’s Jon Prebish, um…Courtney’s boyfriend?”
I kind of hoped that did the trick because if it didn’t, I really didn’t know where to go from there. I mean what do I say then without sounding condescending and just plain rude? And that isn’t a good way to start the permission conversation. “You know, the guy who always shows up at your house with your daughter?” that just sounds like I am being an ass no matter how genuine it is! Luckily…he heard me the second time.
So I blurted out my prepared mini speech again. I didn’t really have any expectations for this conversation. I didn’t know if this would be a 2 minute conversation, or a 30 minute conversation. I kind of assumed if it went longer than 10 minutes I was probably going to be in lawyer mode presenting my case as to why I am worthy and that can’t be a good sign. After all, the 60 seconds it took for me to establish who I was and what I wanted was more than I was comfortable with already!
Needless to say, It went way past 10 minutes, and I didn’t have to go into lawyer mode. Rick took the advice part of my prepared mini speech and ran with it. If I didn’t know better, he had prepared for this! He gave me financial advice, marital advice, and explained how Marie and him were really happy cause they could see how happy Courtney was (they apparently forgot about the day I bought the ring…) and all in all congratulated me and the conversation was over.
-whew-
It occurred to me afterwards that if I was going to ask for advice I probably should be surprised if advice was given. I remember the big picture of what was said, but I probably should of taken notes. My brain was too busy thinking “this is going well” and then it somehow reminded itself that I had to do it all over again.
Now on to call Greg. Now I called Rick first because I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be completely caught off guard, pending airline announcements at the time of important introductions, and so I figured that would go smoothly. At the time of making this call, I had been to KC once. Remember that trip to KC? Yeah, that was it. So I was pretty sure this was going to be a bit of a shocker for him. So in some way, I felt like maybe I could just plow over this before he knew what had just happened. So I didn’t get as antsy for this phone call because I was half way home.
Greg answered.
“Hi Mr. White, This is Jon, Courtney’s boyfriend down in Houston.”
This time I paused to make sure he knew who I was.
“Oh. Well, hey there.”
I’m pretty sure he was expecting me to deliver some bad news or something terrible had happened, after all why in the world would I be calling him?! I gave him my little speech and was expecting something similar to what Rick had given me. I don’t know why I expected this, I suppose because my sample size of responses was 1. Greg’s response was quite different.
“Oh!...um…well…I hope you two know what you are doing.”
Hmm…so my first thought here was, does that count as a yes? I had no idea. It was sort of a neutral passive non-answer. Now what do I do! They need a book called “Asking the dad the question for Dummies” I am sure they would prepare you for these contingencies that I was not prepared for. Ch.4 – What do say when they don’t know who you are. Ch.5 – How to respond when they don’t really answer the question”. Those would have been two very useful chapters.
I’m not sure what I actually said next. I think I nervously laughed, hoping it was a joke. The thing was as unfamiliar as he was with me; I was as unfamiliar with him. So we had no clue how to interact! He eventually said the word congratulations at some point so I took that and thought, good enough. About 30 seconds into this conversation, he asks me this.
“So what do you think about this Pac-10 Big-12 conference merger?”
Awesome. This was going to work out just fine. I think I gave him a quick 10 second blurb about something and basically that was the end of the conversation. Short. Sweet. A dash of sports. What isn’t to like!
Mission accomplished.
2 dad’s to call, 2 permissions to proceed to the last step…Asking the REAL question. I'm just glad I am not Clint.
Oi…kids might have to wait…
Jon
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Phase 1
As many of you know we have been working on getting our house decorated so that it shows a little bit of us. We bought the house and moved in right before Christmas, we had long enough to get the house "settled" before the wedding. Since the wedding we have been working on painting and decorating. It is so nice to have a handy husband who can do things at a cheaper price. Here is phase 1 of our house. This was the easiest room because it mostly involved buying rather than doing.
We put in a new light fixture in the eating area quite a while ago, since you would hit your head on the old one.
However, most recently our project was the living room. Here is what it looked like last month.
Since then we have changed a few things. As a wedding gift my parents bought us an art piece. We spent some time looking for just the right one and we really liked this one. In order to bring out the painting a little more we painted the back wall a mocha color. We also have finally replaced our surround sound speakers and stereo so this is one loud room. Jon's favorite part of it all was the fact that we bought outdoor speakers for the pool. The only thing we really need at this point is to figure out what kind of drapes we want.
Here is another angle that gets both rooms, I think the picture is a little distorted but you get the idea.
We put in a new light fixture in the eating area quite a while ago, since you would hit your head on the old one.
However, most recently our project was the living room. Here is what it looked like last month.
Since then we have changed a few things. As a wedding gift my parents bought us an art piece. We spent some time looking for just the right one and we really liked this one. In order to bring out the painting a little more we painted the back wall a mocha color. We also have finally replaced our surround sound speakers and stereo so this is one loud room. Jon's favorite part of it all was the fact that we bought outdoor speakers for the pool. The only thing we really need at this point is to figure out what kind of drapes we want.
Here is another angle that gets both rooms, I think the picture is a little distorted but you get the idea.
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