The Proposal pt 3.- Popping the Question

So the day arrived. I was proposing tonight.



We were going to the East coast for 2 weeks. Courtney. Me. My family.
I had already decided to propose on day 1. My reason was so I could get this freaking ring out of hiding so I wouldn’t lose it on Day 3, waiting for “the right moment”. I knew I was going to propose at the reflecting pool with the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument looking on. I set this scenario up under the guise of taking night photos of the monuments and getting there at sunset to see if there would be any cool photos at sunset. She had been to DC before, but never really seen it at night, so this was a plausible cover story.

The only people who knew about this was my family and “the Dad’s”. So the plan was pretty simple. We would wander around sort of getting a lay of the land during the day, go get dinner and then Courtney and I would scamper off to go “catch that perfect photo” while the family would go back to the hotel room under the guise of being travel weary etc. We even planned for a contingency of us having to leave dinner early in order to catch the sunset so she didn’t think it was odd that just we were going. I had the sunset charts out, I knew when the sun was officially going to set, I knew about how long it would take us to walk over there. Done.

And then dinner came and a few drinks later, we were laughing and chatting, when suddenly I realized the time. Sunset was in 15 minutes and we had about a 15 minute walk. CRAP! So literally I practically jumped up in mid sentence and grabbed Courtney and was like “we’re off!”

My family didn’t flinch cause they knew what was going on. Courtney on the other hand was probably in mid bite and was a little confused as to the urgency. We than began speed walking. Past the white house…starting to get dusky…we are hauling through the streets of DC. And then that inevitable statement comes from Courtney. “I have to pee”. I ignored it and just kept going hoping that it would go away. Not so much. “Jon! I have to pee…like now!” well crap.

Ok…no problem. How do I solve this…there are no bathrooms on the National Mall…Lincoln wouldn’t really appreciate it…Port-A-Can! It will have to do. My fiancé wasn’t real thrilled with this first proposal of mine, but accepted it and decided it would work. So as I was waiting outside watching the sun burry itself into the horizon WAY faster than it normally does, she was in a plastic toilet on the National mall, oblivious to what was going to happen in a few minutes.

She finally came out, and we bolted off again. We finally reached the area I had in mind. We had our little cardio work for the day, and she was only sort of annoyed at the rushing now because we basically arrived to a cloudy overcast grayness that was slowly getting darker and was not exactly picture worthy.

So I begin to look for a good place to do this thing. I wasn’t going to plop myself down in the middle of a bunch of tourists so I was looking for something semi secluded but not like 100 yds away. This process involved more of me dragging Courtney all over the WWII / Lincoln Memorial / reflecting Pool area at what I am sure seemed like random deliberate “goingness”.

Jackpot.
I found a vacant bench off to the side of the reflecting pool where we could see the Washington Memorial and the Reflecting pool. Very few people. Perfect. So we sit down to “wait for the sun to set” so we can get night photos. We sat there people watching, while I was trying to figure out a natural way to get the ring out of my camera bag and into my pocket. In a very similar way you would yawn to put your arm around a girl, I slowly put down my bag and was “checking the zippers” to make sure that everything was secure. At least that’s what I think I told her. She probably thought it strange but figured, whatever makes you happy, I’m finally sitting and not speed walking around DC with a full bladder.

So I pulled out the ring from its pouch. I didn’t bring the box because it was too bulky and got the ring in my pocket. I then realized I needed to get the ring out of the pouch, but it was already in my pocket…doh! So now I am wiggling and jiggling in my pocket…yes…I’m sure it was awkward. Finally got the ring free. The thought process now turned to what exactly was I going to say. It had to be kind of unique, but what? Then a video came into mind…



Oh crap. What if she says she can’t? She is stuck with me and my family for 2 weeks? She wouldn’t have come though…naw, I’m good. Ok. What to say…what to say…maybe we can make this an engagement trip…possible…what else...hmmm. Ok, screw it, I’m just gonna get off this bench, grab her hand and just say whatever comes out. That is fail proof! How could that go wrong! I’ll just wait for these little old ladies to pass in front of us..and its’ game time…wait…no, no…the old ladies are sitting down…oh for the love of…right next to us?! Of all the places to sit? Here? Now?! Argh!. I nodded my head in a polite hello and smiled. Now what?

So I started to search out Plan B. There. Right on the Reflecting pool there are some steps that we could sit on. Just as good, and free of people. So I made some wacky excuse about scouting out photo sites and grabbed her hand and off we went again. At this point I am pretty sure she was in her own world just resigned to the fact that I was nuts, and that’s just how it was.

So we got to our steps, it was even better than the bench. Literally like 10 feet from the reflecting pool. You could see Lincoln starting to glow from the lights turning on, WWII was lighting up, it was perfect. So I started the motivational process over again. Where was I gonna put my knee? I started to scan the ground. Oh crap. Literally. Duck poop everywhere. How am I gonna pull this off! I can’t exactly do a catchers squat and propose…that’s not protocol!

“Look! Fireflies!”

“huh.”

Courtney had noticed that all around us, fireflies were starting to buzz all around. She was elated. She started telling me stories about when she was a kid and I am sure I nodded, but all was looking at and thinking was. “duck poop”. This was not in my plan.

I finally figured out how to place my knee in such a way to avoid the duck poop…so here we go.

A lull in the conversation, and I started off into whatever it was I was about to say.

Me: “So I was thinking…”

C: “uh huh”

Me: “We are on this trip for 2 weeks with my family”

C: “yeah, I think it will be fine”

I later realized she was anticipating that I was concerned that we were going to drive her crazy over the next 2 weeks…at the time…I had no clue.

Me: “So I was thinking we could make this an engagement trip”

I then got down on one knee and showed her the ring…

C: -while looking around at fireflies, and not at me kneeling in duck poop – “Ok, that sounds good” –still no notice of me…in the duck poop-

So this wasn’t going quite as planned, but I was going now…I was committed…so just plow through this…

Me: “So, will you marry me?”

C: “wait, what?” –she finally notices that I am kneeling in duck poop holding out a shiny little rock looking at her as if I was expecting an answer-

Me: -in my head- I am thinking this is where you say “yes”…do I have to repeat this? How is this complicated…HELLO!!! Shiny rock! Yours! Take it!!! For the love of God I am kneeling in duck poop for your love! I am right here and…

C: “YES!”

Thank god. Life can move on.

What happened next was lots of squealing, smiling, and then the phone came out. This was my cue that I had played my part and now it was time to tell the moms and the rest of the world…

She text a picture of her ring to her mom, who at that very moment had decided to take a bathroom break at Pappacitos. Rick was about to tell her what I was doing, but the “I have to pee” moment happened to him to. Like Mother, like Daughter.

So Courtney went into mini panic mode because apparently there is a pre-determined priority protocol in announcing these things. Her mom had to know before she could text other people and a few “special” people had to know before it went on Facebook. Because when it is on Facebook, it is officially official.

Panic. Panic. Panic…phone rings…it’s her mom. The world can now continue.

Now at this point I had figured out that I was not needed and that I could go take pictures. After all, that is why we were here in the first place. As I was getting my camera ready I hear this conversation.

C: “Hi Mommy! I’m engaged!....Mom?...Your crying because you are happy right?”

Awesome. Probably a good thing to clear up…

So that was that.
We were engaged.

I would write a whole post on the wedding planning process, but I think this video pretty much sums that up nicely…



June 5th, 2011. The day we got engaged.

The Site

Other photos from that night...

Jon

The Proposal pt. 2 – Questions, Questions, Questions

So I knew early on that Courtney essentially had two families. No big deal. As it became clear what direction we were heading it occurred to me that 2 families meant I had 2 dads to ask “the question” to. You know when your parents say things to you like “life just isn’t fair”? This is the kind of thing that should serve as exhibit A for that statement.

Now I had established one thing in my head long before I had even bought the ring. There was no chance that I was even hinting at this to Courtney’s Mom. In fact I was so sure that if she got wind of this at all, any chance at surprise would be out the window. I actually had to plan my phone calls to ask “the question” for the last minute because of this. Let’s just say, keeping secrets isn’t her strength. I present this video as an example of what an interaction between Courtney and her mom would be if her mom knew.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orPlK0wlYMQ&playnext=1&list=PL803B45264FFF8246

(sorry you have to follow the link, they wouldn’t let me embed it)

Recently we were driving in the car, and she voluntarily said “so when do you want us to give your birthday present to you? Now or later?” that would be fine and all, except, my Birthday isn’t for another month. This was followed up by, “You could wear it…um…oops.” Yeah, not a lot of drama in what I am getting for my birthday!

This is exactly why she wasn’t going to know until the last possible moment. If she knew before, she would be chit chatting away on the phone with Courtney about who knows what, and then “accidentally” say something like:

“So when do you want to go look at wedding venues?”

“um…who is getting married?”

“oh!...um…er…I gotta go!” –click-

Yeah…need to avoid this. But first things first…”the question”

I don’t know exactly when it occurred to me, but at some point it occurred to me that I really didn’t know what “the question” really was. I also admit that I googled “Jayne Eyre marriage blessing” looking for some old out of date scene involving some Old English and strangely dressed people to make fun of the situation, but after watching about 15 seconds of one video, I passed out, so I elected to NOT torture you with such nonsense. The problem wasn’t asking the question, I just had no idea what that question was! Am I asking for a blessing? That sounds awkward and a very 18th century. And how does that conversation go?

“Hi, I would like to get your blessing to ask Courtney to marry me.”

“um…ok…you are blessed.”

“ah, great! Thanks! So…what do you think about El Nino?

That didn’t sound very fun…

So maybe I was asking for permission. Isn’t that what they do in the movies? But permission also seems a bit antiquated. Permission felt like they had control over the answer Courtney would give. I understand that it is more of a courtesy, but can’t I be courteous without being awkward and strange?

“Hi, I would like to ask your permission to ask Courtney to marry me.”

“HA!, not a chance.”

“oh. Um…please?”

“nope”

“do you accept bribes?”

See, that just had too much potential for my fragile state of mind to be taken advantage of. So what was I supposed to do? Just inform them? Write a press release? I mean after all that is basically what I was doing right? It was just a prequel to the actual question popping. What I settled on was basically the shot gun approach.

“I would like to ask for your permission and blessing to ask Courtney to marry me, and any advice you might have for us going forward?”

See, this basically allows them to choose which one of those things they want to address and move forward without any awkwardness, or at least as little as possible, and still have the unwritten protocol of making contact with the dad prior to asking the BIG question.

So I knew I was going to do this a good month and a half before I actually asked Courtney to marry me. I was going to propose in Washington D.C. by the reflecting pond at sunset. BAM!

We were going on a 2 week trip with my family and D.C was Day 1. Get this ring out of my suitcase and on to her finger asap, so I didn’t so something stupid like lose it. It was also because I could then make the “dad” calls the day before we left, and leave it to them to tell the moms, and with any luck, by the time the mom’s even knew, so would Courtney. This was brilliant! How could this go wrong! Well, let’s continue…

I called Rick first. I knew he was on a business trip to San Francisco, so I knew I wouldn’t have to worry about him answering while sitting right next to Marie. Now what I figured out was that it didn’t matter how comfortable you are with your soon to be wife’s dad, it doesn’t matter how comfortable you are on the phone, and it doesn’t matter how confident you are in the outcome of the phone call. Dialing the numbers is nerve racking. Mind chaos: ok, so here we go. Dial the number, look at the number in the phone, check the number, yup…it’s correct. All you have to do is push talk…what’s that? A cobweb up in the top corner of the living room? I better clean that up. This phone call can wait. Ok, that was important, been meaning to do that for some time. Ok. Dial number. Yup the number is right. Push call. Ok. Pushed call…-ring-…holy crap it’s ringing! What on earth am I doing! Hang up now! Quick, no you can’t hang up; he will see your number! -ring- ok breathe, no big deal!, it’s just Rick! -ring- nope. This is a big deal…gonna pass out…feeling a little woozy here…-rin…”This is Rick Kivela.”

Ah. The moment had arrived. All I had to do was state me pre-constructed introduction and carefully crafted question and let him do the rest. I could hear airport announcements in the background which didn’t concern me cause I knew he was away on business.
“Hey Rick, this is Jon, Courtney’s boyfriend. I was actually planning on asking Courtney to marry me while we are on this upcoming trip to the east coast. I wanted to touch base with you before we left and ask for your permission and blessing as well as any advice you might have for us going forward?”

Done….I got it out, I sounded sophisticated, calm, confident, normal. Success! Now I just wait for him to do his part of this ritual and I can move on to part 2…

“I’m sorry. Who is this again?”

MIND CHAOS: oh crap. He didn’t hear any of that and besides that he doesn’t even know who I am! FAIL FAIL FAIL! Abort mission! No, no, he is at the airport and couldn’t hear…just ask again. It’s not that hard you retard!

See, what I forgot in all the preparation for just asking the question was that I forgot Rick likely did not have my number on his business phone, because he would normally call from his home phone should he need to get a hold of me or Courtney. He didn’t have any caller ID to assist in this critical identification process that I took for granted.

“It’s Jon Prebish, um…Courtney’s boyfriend?”

I kind of hoped that did the trick because if it didn’t, I really didn’t know where to go from there. I mean what do I say then without sounding condescending and just plain rude? And that isn’t a good way to start the permission conversation. “You know, the guy who always shows up at your house with your daughter?” that just sounds like I am being an ass no matter how genuine it is! Luckily…he heard me the second time.

So I blurted out my prepared mini speech again. I didn’t really have any expectations for this conversation. I didn’t know if this would be a 2 minute conversation, or a 30 minute conversation. I kind of assumed if it went longer than 10 minutes I was probably going to be in lawyer mode presenting my case as to why I am worthy and that can’t be a good sign. After all, the 60 seconds it took for me to establish who I was and what I wanted was more than I was comfortable with already!

Needless to say, It went way past 10 minutes, and I didn’t have to go into lawyer mode. Rick took the advice part of my prepared mini speech and ran with it. If I didn’t know better, he had prepared for this! He gave me financial advice, marital advice, and explained how Marie and him were really happy cause they could see how happy Courtney was (they apparently forgot about the day I bought the ring…) and all in all congratulated me and the conversation was over.

-whew-

It occurred to me afterwards that if I was going to ask for advice I probably should be surprised if advice was given. I remember the big picture of what was said, but I probably should of taken notes. My brain was too busy thinking “this is going well” and then it somehow reminded itself that I had to do it all over again.

Now on to call Greg. Now I called Rick first because I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be completely caught off guard, pending airline announcements at the time of important introductions, and so I figured that would go smoothly. At the time of making this call, I had been to KC once. Remember that trip to KC? Yeah, that was it. So I was pretty sure this was going to be a bit of a shocker for him. So in some way, I felt like maybe I could just plow over this before he knew what had just happened. So I didn’t get as antsy for this phone call because I was half way home.

Greg answered.

“Hi Mr. White, This is Jon, Courtney’s boyfriend down in Houston.”

This time I paused to make sure he knew who I was.

“Oh. Well, hey there.”

I’m pretty sure he was expecting me to deliver some bad news or something terrible had happened, after all why in the world would I be calling him?! I gave him my little speech and was expecting something similar to what Rick had given me. I don’t know why I expected this, I suppose because my sample size of responses was 1. Greg’s response was quite different.

“Oh!...um…well…I hope you two know what you are doing.”

Hmm…so my first thought here was, does that count as a yes? I had no idea. It was sort of a neutral passive non-answer. Now what do I do! They need a book called “Asking the dad the question for Dummies” I am sure they would prepare you for these contingencies that I was not prepared for. Ch.4 – What do say when they don’t know who you are. Ch.5 – How to respond when they don’t really answer the question”. Those would have been two very useful chapters.

I’m not sure what I actually said next. I think I nervously laughed, hoping it was a joke. The thing was as unfamiliar as he was with me; I was as unfamiliar with him. So we had no clue how to interact! He eventually said the word congratulations at some point so I took that and thought, good enough. About 30 seconds into this conversation, he asks me this.

“So what do you think about this Pac-10 Big-12 conference merger?”

Awesome. This was going to work out just fine. I think I gave him a quick 10 second blurb about something and basically that was the end of the conversation. Short. Sweet. A dash of sports. What isn’t to like!

Mission accomplished.

2 dad’s to call, 2 permissions to proceed to the last step…Asking the REAL question. I'm just glad I am not Clint.



Oi…kids might have to wait…

Jon

The Proposal pt 1 - Ring Shopping

Proposing is not a simple process. Yes, I mean process. Asking the actually question is the conclusion to a long drawn out thought provoking, stress inducing process. Step 1 happens in your head. It is that first moment where you allow your brain to consider the possibility of living with this person forever. Forever is not exactly a time frame that eases your conscious when making ANY decision, especially one that requires you to choose the human being that you will be able to tolerate forever, as well as hopefully have them tolerate you and all your wonderful idiosyncrasies. I know it might not be romantic (I love you Courtney!), but love isn’t all roses, and long walks on the beach, and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. It is deciding that this human being annoys me less than all the others I have met, she is good looking, and seems to find me amusing, I might want to hang on to her!



and based on that video, I give you…



Like I said, not exactly text book romance, but sometimes reality is brutal. There is a moment of internal shock when you discover that this thought has passed into your conscious and you are surprisingly ok with this conclusion. The next thought is…now what? Ring shopping? Holy crap.

Now see, guys don’t sit around and plan this little transition. For me I was sitting on the couch most likely watching SportsCenter or the latest Discovery Channel show on the Universe or Theoretical Physics (side note: it is called theoretical physics, because it is a theory, meaning unproven. Similar Ref: Theory of Evolution…) when this little thought process occurred to me. I went through the 12 step mental process where the first step is: admitting I had a problem. The second step was…I have no idea what the other 12 steps are, but I hear that there are 12 of them and I am sure I went through all of them. I eventually concluded that I wanted to propose marriage. So, just to we recap this little moment, I sat down to watch a show on why there might be life under the frozen oceans of Saturn’s Moon Titan, and concluded I wanted to get married. I am pretty sure that was not one of the objectives set out by the producers of this show.

I decided to call my Dad about how to go about buying a ring. Now my Dad is part genius. He is like a walking Bible. He can quote you scripture no matter what the situation calls for, provide context and commentary on the drop of a hat. He can hold his own in scientific discussions about Biology, Physics, Chemistry, Cosmology, and he is Geophysicist. Ask about the devaluation of the dollar and the housing bubble, he can go there. He probably has opinions about the process of terra forming the Planet Mars for future human inhabitation. So logically I figured by asking the question, how do I buy an engagement ring, I would get a 30 minute Master’s thesis about how to do this. Nope. I got a pause and “uh….I don’t know”. Thanks Dad! Not Helpful.



So I decided to start looking online, I self taught myself about the 5C’s, Cut, Clarity, Certification, Color, and Carat. Yeah, um…diamond experts?, ya forgot the biggest C…COST! Now what I was really doing was preparing to go into battle. I had to go into battle with the diamond sales people. So suddenly this proposal process now became a battle of wills. It became a game. I was going to win. This is one of the most endearing qualities I have that Courtney absolutely loves. She always asks me if we can just go out and talk to sales people on the weekends for fun because she just loves watching me interact with them. Or more accurately, it is guaranteed to turn into a fight. I call the sales person out for some random stat that sounds fishy, or ask them why it is cheaper online (because I came prepared! Like the boy scouts baby!) and I am usually met with 1 death glare from Courtney, and the sales person is left grasping at weak answers and explanations that basically only confirm that I am winning (I can smell the victory!) Negotiation ensues. It is almost always guaranteed that the first place we go into I low ball them and they give me some line about not having the authority to lower the price so let me go ask the manager. Rarely do they agree and after a few smart comments without sufficient explanation we set out for the next place. This likely will lead to discussion in the car about why we don’t just get it, and me explaining the completely logical reason why we will save “x” dollars by doing it this way etc. Now it becomes a determination to proof I will save us money. She is rarely convinced despite my STELLAR track record. Basically, Sales people annoy me. This same principle can be applied to telemarketers or door-to-door sales people. May I present an example: (warning: adult language)



Now in the case of the ring, I was running solo. I was convinced that there was no way proposing and then bringing Courtney along for this little journey was gonna be good for my wallet. I picked out the ring myself (awww, that is so sweet) because it would be cheaper this way (cheapskate…). I knew I was going to get a round cut diamond, and I knew the facets and all the little things that were going to be thrown at me by the sales person. The sales pitch is basically the same.

Salesperson: “Hi, How can I help you?”

Jon: “Looking at Engagement rings…”

S: “Very nice! Congratulations!”

Jon: “For what? I am about to be poor and she hasn’t even said yes yet.” (Courtney just loves these encounters…did I mention that?)

S: “True, right this way sir.”

(I usually laugh to myself ‘cause at this point they have no idea how to deal with me, which was sort of the intention)

S: “What kind of ring would you like?” The say this as the pull out the craziest looking diamond coated piece of metal they have and continue “Look at this one, isn’t it gorgeous?”

Jon: “I think that looks pretty tacky, don’t you? Who buys something like that?”

Again, they are caught off guard as I walk to the engagement rings further down and find a few that look interesting. This is when the next pitch comes in as predictable as the Houston Humidity.

S: “Oh that is a wonderful choice!” (I could of picked out a turd on stick and this guy would of thought it was wonderful) “Now may I recommend this one…” (and he hands me essentially the exact same ring with a larger diamonds)

Jon: “Of course you would, that one is huge! You see commission; I see conversations about debt with my new fiancé after she says yes…if she says yes!”

S: “Oh but sir, Love is forever, this is the only time you are going to buy an engagement ring for the one you love, you should make it memorable!”

Jon: “If the size of the ring I give her is going to determine her answer, then I probably shouldn’t be proposing in the first place. Don’t ya think? No wonder the divorce rate is so high…”

Eventually, I tell the sales person I think I am going to continue to look around and see what I can find. The magic response to this every time, is:

S: “Well, today we are having a 10% off sale on this ring, but it ends today, just so you know.”

Jon: “Man, that is too bad, ‘cause the store I just came from said they have a 20% off sale today. I should probably go back there then huh?”

Which is followed by the inevitable…

S: “Yes, but you just don’t know the quality of those diamonds. Here we only sell quality diamonds of the best ratings…”

And this is where I usually bust out some of that diamond knowledge on the guy about the Cut Clarity and Color I am looking for and the price (COST) I am willing to pay for that, and the other store has the same range blah blah blah….This is where I usually get the blank stare from the sales person that indicates I won! This is all that really matters. Victory. Right now you are thinking, I can see why Courtney loves these little encounters!



Eventually I found a ring that was classic enough, but unique enough to work. I knew she would like it, but I had no idea when I was going to give it to her.

Meanwhile, at the bat cave…

The day I did all this conquering of sales people, Courtney was trying to get a hold of me to find out if I was going to meet her for dinner with her parents. I remember ignoring a few phone calls from her in the middle of these little battles I was winning, thinking “honey, if you only knew what I was doing right now…” Well, as I discovered later, what she was doing was considering breaking up with me because she was so mad that I wasn’t answering my phone. She thought I was at Home Depot or something and figured there was no reason to not answer the phone. I probably could have looking back, but I had my game face on. So apparently the closest we ever came to breaking up was the day that I bought the engagement ring.

Now I have the ring, but before I pop the question, I have to ask the dads for permission to ask her to marry me. Yes. Dads. Plural.

My lucky stars decided that I would get to have the “ask the dad” conversation twice!

Jon

Meeting The Parents...All of them.

Ah, meeting the parents. How can you not find humor in that no matter what your story is? Whole movies have been made on the topic, and of course, they are comedies. This post will highlight a few of the lighter moments of when we had to meet the parents. After all, how awkward could meeting the parents be?



My previous post left off when I was about to meet Courtney’s Mom Marie for the first time. Looking back, the encounter was as I would expect it to go. For those who know Marie, you know that she is a “hugger”. This means if you enter a room with her and share even the slightest hint of a conversation with her, you will get hugged when you make your exit. If you have met before, you will get a hello hug, and a good bye hug, and maybe a hug in the middle just for good measure. I love this about her, but was not given the rule book on this prior to meeting her. She was at Courtney’s apt helping her do some spring cleaning of Courtney’s clothes. By spring cleaning, I mean get rid of enough clothes to take care of the country of Zaire for a good 9 months. Yet, her closet seemed to be full still. It is an amazing gift of stuffing that men will never quite fully grasp. Give me a hammer, some power tools and a 6 pack, and I can redo your entire kitchen. Closet organization? No chance.

I don’t remember all the details of that meeting, but I remember knocking on the door and then getting the dreaded, “Come in!” Just so we are clear on this, no one wants to self enter an apartment when you are meeting a parent for the first time. You are already mentally trying to deal with enough stuff, that having to address whatever might await you on the other side of the door does not need to be added to that mix. Mind Chaos happens. “What If I see her mom before I see her? How do I introduce myself? Boyfriend? Friend? Just Jon? We haven’t had “the talk” to determine if we were “exclusive” or not, so skip the boyfriend thing. Maybe friend? But then she might think I am gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that, well actually…the bible says…doh focus! Maybe Courtney will be there to handle the introduction…” At this moment I turn the corner of her stairs and wah lah…Marie is standing there. More mind chaos. “Ah crap. Where the heck is Courtney?! Her mom is right there and I have never met her before. Should I take the stairs 1 at a time or 2. 1 would indicate relaxed and deliberate. 2 would signal I am fit and healthy… but too eager? Ah hell. Holy smokes that is a smile!? She is one happy lady…” She sticks out her hand and introduces herself as “Marie, Courtney’s mom”. I am pretty sure I just shook her hand and said “It is nice to meet you, I’m Jon”. Where the hell is Courtney?! Finally from her bedroom I hear Courtney say she is coming. She apparently was putting the final touches on that whole “Save Zaire” foundation she was about to start.

So we had our nice little awkward chit chat about the weather, or the humidity outside, or how to best brew coffee…again, no idea. I finally move to sit down on the couch and Courtney eventually joins me on the couch. Marie at this point got a bit flustered cause I know that she really wanted to stay but didn’t want to intrude and so she asked me if I wanted a beer. The answer to this question is always yes. Then with a few hyper all run into one string of thoughts Marie said “Is it alright if I stay? I don’t want to intrude? I should go, maybe I should go.” Courtney told her mom not to go and to sit and chat. So within about 5 minutes of meeting Marie, we were sitting on the couch drinking beer and probably discussing the finer details and implications of the 3 laws of thermodynamics. At least that is what I imagine we talked about. All I was thinking the whole time was; her mom drinks beer, and gave me a beer. This is good. No complaints! Little did I know that this little meeting would be a preview to the rest of my life!

The next time I saw Marie was when I went over to their house one weekend. Hugs all around this time, because we had already met once! I got to meet Rick, and Courtney’s friend Sarah from Kansas City. It was a regular introduction fest for Jon. Yeah! I am pretty sure we had gone through a pitcher of Marie's Margaritas when somehow the time line between when my ex and I split up to when Courtney and I started chatting online came up. Needless to say, this amount of time was not sufficient in Marie’s mind after leaving a 1.5 year relationship. She asked with a bit of desperation in her voice, "So wait, Courtney is a rebound?" My straight faced answer, because I just couldn’t resist the moment was, “absolutely.” I wish I could have videotaped this moment because I am pretty sure Marie had some awesome mind chaos going on. “Wait. What? Is he serious? But I liked this guy, he seemed so good, but now he is just looking to rebound from that relationship…a year and half is long time. But Courtney seems happy, but I don’t know. This was going so well and…I need another margarita…really? He is just joking…but still..Oh my gosh! This can’t be happening! My only girl is a rebound!!! Why me god? Why me!....” At some point Courtney noticed this and calmed her mom down to explain that essentially, I am just a brat and I just wanted to see the reaction I would get. This is essentially true. Not gonna deny it, and to this day, I can’t say it’s changed a whole lot.

At this same gathering, Courtney’s friend Emie, who took us to that original Texans game was there and had just gotten engaged and was planning a wedding. Apparently she was frustrated with the amount on her to do list, and so Marie out of the kindness of her heart offered to help her out. So she went and got the wedding planning book she had and brought it to the table to help her. I know I kind of glazed by that. Let me explain what my mind was thinking. ”Holy smokes! This lady already has a wedding planning book? Did she buy that like yesterday?! Courtney and I have only been dating for like a few weeks! What have I gotten into!” I believe what I managed to stumble out was, “um, why do you have a wedding planner?” Again, I wish you could of watched the facial expression on Marie’s face. It went from utter joy and happiness to seeing my face, hearing my question to “oh crap, this is giving him the wrong impression”. At this point, I am not sure anything she could of said would have been a good enough explanation, and when you are trying to explain something like that away in a logical fashion, you really only manage to dig a deeper hole then you are already in and eventually just give up, sigh, and move on. I’m pretty sure Courtney was just laughing the whole time at both of us.

And then I had to go visit the other parents. Ah, the Kansas City family.
Before we go to KC, Courtney informs me that her KC family has never met a person she has been dating. Again, for emphasis, never. So this is about how I imagined this little encounter was going to go:



So we got on the large coke can with wings that they call a plane to fly to KC and set out on this adventure. It was thanksgiving break, and I knew we were going to be going to a family thanksgiving reunion of sorts as was their tradition. No problem. So we got off the plane late Wednesday night, and essentially that night can be summarized in this; “nice to meet you, we are so excited you were able to come down. We have a 3 hour car ride tomorrow and we are leaving really early. Goodnight!” What you don’t know is that the KC crew are giants. They are all 6’ plus, and we weren’t making this trek in a Tahoe. Nope. A Chrysler 300. Basically a fancy Taurus, with 5 adults. At this point, this is what I am preparing for in my head the next day:





The trip was 3 hours there and 3 hours back. So we drove for 6 hours and we only spent about 1.5 hours at the place we were at. That isn’t what I remember most though. What I remember the most about this trek through the middle of Kansas was that Kansas had hills! What the crap! Houston is flatter than Kansas! Whoever said that the surface of a pancake as more hills than the surface of Kansas obviously has not been to Houston, because he would of said that about Houston rather than Kansas. This is greatly disturbing. I am still bothered by this fact today.

On this same KC trip, we managed to get tickets to go to a basketball game at Allen Fieldhouse, home of the University of Kansas Jayhawks. Now for sports fans, KU is where basketball was invented; it is akin to the mecca of basketball. This is like getting to go to Wrigley Field or Fenway Park to see a baseball game. I was all over this. This was turning out to be an awesome little trip. Little did I know the experience that was waiting me. Now I understand that almost every University has their weird quirks and “traditions”, but only a few have reached the infamous cult status. Living in Houston, I am surrounded by the Gig’em Cult aka Texas A&M and the Hook’em Cult aka University of Texas. I was about to be endoctrined into the inner workings of…the Beak’em Cult. Yes, that is correct, they use the term Beak’em.

Now again, if you are a sports fan, you have probably heard of the famous Rock Chalk cheer that KU has. It is supposedly the most intimidating college cheer there is. So they do this little “cheer” before every game. I’ll let you judge for yourself:



Rock Chalk Jayhawk...

Don’t ask me what the little hand signs are when they do the chant. I have no clue. Don’t ask them what Rock Chalk is. It is better that you don’t know. Don’t ask me what a Jayhawk is. For that matter, don’t ask Kansas what a Jayhawk is, and I am still trying to figure out why he has pilgrim shoes on…

Now you just watched a video of this little “ritual”. I had to be in the stands to experience the full brunt force of this trauma. Truth be told, I could only think of one thing the whole time they did this:



Now having said all that, of course I picked KU to win this years March Madness, and yes, I own a shirt that says The Fighting Manginos, (Google Mark Mangino if you don’t get this reference) because at least they can make fun of themselves! Or at least I hope that is what they are doing…So I am now a KU fan by marriage, which actually works out well. Everyone knows I am a USC Trojan fan, and come football season, it is very easy to root for USC and not have a lot of conflict with KU football, “A tradition since October” as one sign read during their miracle Orange Bowl run in 2008. Come Basketball season, USC is excited to just make the tourney, KU is disappointed if they didn’t make the Final Four. So it all works out well. When push comes to shove though, I'll take Traveler as a mascot over the Jayhawk. Is that a onesie the KU guy is wearing?

If only I could get them to reconsider the Waving of the Wheat as a celebration. Wait, you don’t know the Waving of the Wheat? Well let's let KU enlighten you on this intimidating celebration…



Notice the part where they say "no one knows when this tradition started." I can only imagine this started when they tried to start the wave, but had one too many adult beverages in the 4th qtr (cause that is probably how long it took KU to score!) and so the ensuing chaos of unorganized waving resulted in what you see in the video. Someone more sober (or the opposite) than the others probably said it looks like wheat fields…and thus…Waving of the Wheat was born. Sad really. Alas, it is now a part of my family and I embrace it with all the passion I can muster. Rock Chalk Jayhawk!

Needless to say, I couldn’t be more happy about the new family I have. Meeting my Family was less adventurous in a funny story kind of way. We went to visit my brother in Vegas over that Christmas. The joke here is that I have family in Hawaii, Southern California, and Vegas (well, I did at the time) and she has family in Kansas, Michigan, Wisconsin and Nebraska. Pretty sure she married me for my family.

I couldn’t be happier with my new family. I know there will be more stories in the future! But the real reason I went up to KC was to meet the parents before I had to pop the question. But before I got to that, I had to buy a ring.

Who knows anything about buying a ring?!

Phew…for another day then…

Jon

How We Met

For those of you reading this that were at our Rehearsal Dinner, some of this might be a repeat, but perhaps there is enough new in here to entertain. For others, this would be an unmodified recording of how we met. No embellishments or liberties were taken in this historical account. Ok, maybe just a few…

We met…online *gasp*. I basically stalked her until she finally gave in and conceded to one date…wait…that was an ex-girlfriend. I can’t talk about that here under advice of my lawyer since charges are still pending…
We did, though, meet on match.com.





It used to be that if you met through a dating service that you kind of made up another story on how you met out of fear of the ridicule that people would give you behind your back because somehow we were flawed and put into the “unwanted” bucket of online dating. I saw it as a way to save money by screening on the loonys out there. Trust me, they are there.

When we first met online, I was still self employed. So you can imagine my thoughts when we were chatting at around 1pm on a Wednesday and I asked Courtney what she did for work, and she replied that she was a teacher. Let me repeat for emphasis, 1pm, Wednesday. Now yes, my mom AND my sister are 3rd grade teachers so I kind of know how that life goes, but I don’t think I needed that experience to know that chatting online during school hours was probably not a part of the job description. So I am thinking, fantastic. A DELUSIONAL loony toon…NEXT! She quickly explained that she was on leave for medical reasons. Well THAT didn’t exactly dissuade my initial conclusion either. I then discovered that she had just had major surgery and was recovering at home. By recovering, I mean pretty much completely debilitated to the point she lived with her parents and going out in public was an exhausting ordeal.

So just to recap here. Never met Courtney, but she is a teacher who is not teaching, major surgery, living with parents, can’t go out in public without heaven and earth aligning just right. What’s not to love?! As it turns out, there was everything to love.

So my dilemma was figuring out how to ask her on a date, since going out wasn’t exactly a quick decision thing. I pondered when it would be appropriate and finally figured out that she was going stir crazy in the house with her mom, and needed to get out. I figured ok, let set a date in the future, gives her plenty of time to prepare. Next weeks Houston Aeros game should work. For the non-Houstonians, the Aeros are the minor league hockey team in town. One of my tests for dating a girl at the time was if a girl could enjoy a live hockey game then there was potential. She agreed and the date was set. 1 week to wait…

…until later that evening, about 10pm, she asked me if I wanted to go to the Houston Texans game the following day with her and some of her friends. Mind you, we haven’t even talked on the phone at this point. Why? I don’t really know looking back, we just chatted away on the computer and it never came up. So here is my dilemma. I have never been to a Texans game; the seats were like 20 rows back lower section 45 yd line. However, I’d never met this girl, and our first date was going to be with her and her friends? That sounds awkward, for me, her, AND her friends. If you know me though, you know that I strongly believe awkward equals awesome stories. So the logical conclusion here is to say; “absolutely.” The worst thing that can happen is I get a good story about the first date I had at a Texans game with this crazy girl and her friends! This would fall into that category of the first date with Hooter’s girl wearing a Prom dress at a Red Robin. Sounds like a bad joke doesn’t it? Nope. This would be a true story…but I digress!

Needless to say, the date went well. She pulled the whole “I’m not putting my arm around you, I just need to stretch” move on me, which I am pretty sure was something I was supposed to do. You know, *yawn* oh hey it so much more comfortable with my arms spread out and…well whadya know…you just happen to be in front of my outstretched arm. Crazy! That move.

I did get a story out of it, but not the awkward that-didn’t-just-happen-did-it kind of story. On another date, we were sitting in her car in front of her apartment as she had finally escaped the parent’s house. We were doing the awkward, sit there and pretend to be fascinated by whatever we were talking about (I still have no clue, and we talked for at least 30 minutes). The whole time I was thinking, I’m gonna kiss her…now…no, not now…now…stop you moron…ok maybe…no…now…idiot! That sort of thing ran through my head during the whole time we actually had a verbal conversation about god only knows what. Pizza toppings? Preferred starburst flavor? Who knows…? The conversation hit a lull, and after both of us staring straight ahead for a bit, I finally decided it was time. So with anticipation of sparks and thunder claps and a spontaneous Hallelujah Chorus emerging from the back seat, I leaned across my car and kissed her. Virtually no reaction at all. Nothing. Like kissing a brick wall. Not sure if I caught her off guard, or what, but there was definitely no Hallelujah Chorus in the backseat. Just old trash I had tossed back there while driving. Awkward silence ensued.





Ok so it wasn’t quite like those videos, but I had to find some excuse to toss those in there! What ran through my head during that inevitable awkward silence, was chaos. “That was unexpected. How did that go so wrong? Maybe I am way off here. Maybe she thinks I am just creepy! Is Burger King open late? Stay calm. Pretend that was normal. I wonder if the Astros won tonight. Focus! Say something, idiot, say something!” What came out was really sophisticated and suave I am sure. I really have no idea what I said, but I imagine it was along the lines of when can I see you again? At least that is how I remember it. Courtney may tell you otherwise.

The Kiss must not have been too bad, or at least the expectations were so low I couldn’t screw it up, which is far more likely. We continued to date, things went well, things went fast. One day I decided to surprise her cause I was in the area and just called her and asked if I could come by. She paused for a second unexpectedly, and then said:

“My mom is here, is that ok?”

What are you supposed to say at that? “Oh hell no, I’m outta here!” Of course you say, “Yeah sure! I’d love to meet your mom!” You then spend the next 10 minutes in the car prepping for the inevitable meeting of the mom. This was not on today’s agenda! Do I look respectable? Mature? Just be yourself…the mind chaos came back.

Then I had no choice. I was at her apartment.

I was about to meet…”The Mom.”

But meeting the parents is a whole Blog post in itself! So that is how we met. The classic American Romance. Or not so much, but it is our story, and that is how we like it.

Jon